Introversion and Extroversion Might Not Be What You Think
We’ve all heard of introverts, extroverts, and now, ambiverts — people who fall somewhere in between. But what if these labels don’t fully capture what’s really going on? What if your “vertedness” has less to do with your personality and more to do with what you’re talking about?
Here’s the thing: many people who call themselves introverts seem to come alive when talking about topics they’re passionate about. I’ve had phone conversations with self-proclaimed introverts that lasted for hours — full of energy, laughter, and zero social exhaustion. Yet, these same people would be considered introverts in more general social settings. Why is that?
It’s often said that introverts need alone time to recharge after social interaction, while extroverts gain energy from being around others. But I’m not convinced it’s that simple. Maybe introverts just need conversations that matter to them. Or maybe anyone would feel drained if the topic didn’t interest them.
Think about it. An introvert might feel completely drained after small talk about the weather or sports they don’t follow, but light up when the topic turns to video games, anime, philosophy, or science. Suddenly, they’re animated, talkative, and far from shy or quiet. And guess what? They’re still not exhausted afterward.
Now flip the scenario. Imagine an extroverted football fan dropped into a room full of people passionately discussing the latest anime series. That same extrovert might suddenly go quiet, unable to contribute or stay engaged. The social energy they usually thrive on isn’t there anymore. They’re the quiet one now.
So what’s really going on here?
It seems that our ability to connect, engage, and enjoy social interaction depends heavily on how much we relate to the topic being discussed. If the subject is meaningful or exciting to us, we’re energized, regardless of whether we think of ourselves as introverts or extroverts. If not, we’re likely to withdraw, get bored, or feel drained.
This even plays out in real-world scenarios. Consider someone who moves to a new country. They were the life of the party back home, constantly social and upbeat. But now they barely speak the language, don’t understand the local culture, and have no connection to the popular sports or media. Suddenly, socializing feels like work. They’re tired after every conversation. Have they become an introvert? Or are they just out of sync with the topics and cues that used to make connection easy?
Maybe the idea of introversion and extroversion is more flexible than we thought. Maybe your social energy depends not just on who you’re with, but on what you’re talking about and how much it aligns with what matters to you.
If that’s true, then perhaps being an introvert or extrovert isn’t a fixed trait, but a reflection of how easily you can relate to the conversations around you.